Clarity goes a long way. Clarity generates a sense of peace.
Ever notice how when your vague, things just don’t seem to progress as you’d like? You feel stuck and not particularly empowered. For example, being vague about what you really want to do with your life can lead to hopping from one job to another with a perpetual feeling of dissatisfaction. Being vague in your relationships can see them lingering far longer than they should. Being vague also opens you up to distractions, I know I’ve been guilty of this. I used to get caught up in other people’s projects at the expense of focusing on what I wanted to accomplish. Being vague about how valuable your time is, is what leads to spending way too much time surfing the net or watching television when there are other things you can be doing in pursuit of your dreams.
Being vague can also result in you allowing people into your life who drain you. I’ve had this experience too. Because of not being clear on the kind of people you want in your life (personal and professional) you let any old person in and before you know it they’ve ransacked the place (disrupted you) and you’re left wondering “what just happened?!” The truth is, if your boundaries have been crossed it means somewhere along the way you didn’t make your boundaries clear. Recognising this can help put you back into a state empowerment rather than being the victim. Where were you not clear about what’s okay with you and what’s not? Can you make that clear now?
Drawing your lines in the sand is not the same as being closed off, being untrusting or being rigid. Oprah Winfrey has reminded us many times that people treat you the way you let them. When your boundary has been crossed by someone (and to be fair, often times this is done unintentionally) it’s important to set things straight as soon as you can and this doesn’t have to be done in a confrontational way. This is when effective communication skills also come in handy. You are simply stating that you are not okay with something and asking the person to not do it again. If you sense it was unintentional, you can even acknowledge that you realise they didn’t mean it in the first place. It also means being open to when someone lets you know that you’ve crossed their boundaries. There’s nothing to fear with this. It’s honest and it can even generate respect – I’m teaching you how to treat me, and you’re teaching me how to treat you.
The truth is if you don’t let people know, they’re bound to repeat the behaviour. And this contributes to those unseen, unsaid things that end up being the real drivers of a relationship. Too often we opt for the being irritated, hurt or worse engaging in gossip about the person when what’s needed is an honest communication of what your boundaries are, how they were crossed and how it’s important that it doesn’t happen again. If you’re wondering why one person seems to push boundaries with you but not with person X over there, it’s probably because person X over there has been clear about his/her boundaries.
When we’re not clear about what we want and what we don’t want, we don’t get the results we desire. A wishy washy intent, creates wishy washy results. Clarity in all things helps create a helpful structure (not structure in a restrictive sense) in your life. Clarity on what you want to do for a living, clarity on the hobbies you want to put time into, clarity on money and your financial situation (how much money do you want to be making each month? each year? remember, numbers are sacred). Vague also makes a situation seem more complicated than it really is. We’ve all heard expressions like “keep it simple”.
Doing some automatic writing on a particular issue can help you get clarity on it, speaking to your mentor, having a coaching session with a coach helps generate clarity (coaching helps with clarity in general – someone to check in regularly with for you to discuss different areas in your life and where you’d like to take each one).
So where are you being vague and have you noticed the sorts of results you get? On the other hand where are you moving purposefully and powerfully through life because you’re clear about it? Share your thoughts in the comments section – your words matter and they may be just what someone needed to hear today.